My First Grand Daughter

Aubrey Elizabeth Brown

April 10, 2013

10 oz  9 inches

8:33am

Parents:  Jon and Brenda Brown

Aubrey's Footprints

Daddy and Aubrey

Mommy and Aubrey

My first Grand Daughter will forever be in my heart and always on my mind.  

I love you, Baby Aubrey.

Nana

Judge Not...

My emotions have been all over the place  the past couple of weeks.   There have been several days I stayed in bed because I was so depressed.  Anyone who hasn't experienced severe depression coupled with bi-polar issues has no clue how sick one is when something triggers depression so severe its  debilitating.  The thoughts during such an episode are irrational because the mental pain level is not easily put into words.

The recent apparent suicide of a country music singer is a tragedy.  My heart goes out to the family she left behind.  I've seen so many comments on AOL and Facebook that have stated the singer was selfish to have ended her life.  Those people do not say RIP for the singer.  Instead they say RIP for the dog she supposedly shot prior to taking her own life.  How insensitive they are.   Having lost an uncle and aunt (my dad's brother and sister) to suicide, it just makes my heart hurt anytime I hear someone has taken their life.  Some of the comments make me angry.  When a family member passes that way, those left have a terrible tragedy to deal with.  We don't need negative comments.  We go through anger because the person didn't reach out to someone, we also are angry that they took themselves from us, their children, spouses if they were married, and the list goes on.  We feel guilty because we didn't see any indication that anything was wrong.  

Judge not lest ye be judged.  Regardless of what your religious  beliefs are, no one has the right to indicate that anyone is going to hell, especially when suicide is involved, period.  First of all, it's very upsetting to the family involved.  It's upsetting to people whose loved ones  ended their lives in years past.  Some religious denominations are notorious for judging people.  Again, JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED.  What does that mean?  My opinion is that it means people will be judged by God because they judged another.  It's no one's business to determine what the outcome of someone will be when judgement is given by our Father in Heaven.  

This brings me back to the mental illness issue.  My personal belief is that anyone who takes their own life  was not mentally ill to the point of not being aware of what they were actually doing.  Something in their mind snapped and pushed them over the edge.  People need to research mental illness and keep their judgmental comments to themselves and ask God to forgive them for having judgmental thoughts.  Doing so sincerely insures they are not judged for having those judgmental thoughts to begin with.

To those belonging to religious denominations who immediately judge others based on outward appearances are also in the wrong.  Just saying...

Those of us who have the mental illness of manic depression/bipolar, or just plain old severe depression would appreciate negative comments not being made by people who have no idea what its like.  If they walked a mile in our shoes, especially on those days we can hardly put one foot in front of the other, they most likely would just shut up.  They may even show a little kindness instead of judging.

Wow.  I was on a soap box for sure this morning.   I'll step down now.  I'm going to have a wonderful, productive day.  Sometimes it's necessary to "get things off my chest" here in this safe place called blog land.  

May your day be blessed and happy.

Jon, Brenda and Baby Brown

This post is written with more love than could ever be put into words.  I'm so proud of my son and his wife (my daughter-in-love).  

They are pregnant and we've all been so excited!  It's their first child together.  Below is the most current picture of my Grand Baby Brown.

I was so thrilled that they invited me to go along for the ultrasound!  Seeing the baby and watching its little heart beat brings a feeling to this Nana that is indescribable.  It bonds me with Jon and Brenda in a way I can't explan.,  I love my Grand Baby and his parents.

While we are so excited they are pregnant, we were dealt a blow when they were told that Baby Brown has a birth defect; a defect that is fatal.  I won't go into the details, but Jon and Brenda had a difficult decision to make:  terminate the pregnancy or continue to carry their child.  They chose to continue to carry their precious special baby.  When they told Hubby and me, we were beyond thrilled.

Tears have been shed, our hearts have hurt, days have been spent unable to get out of bed and face the day. Yesterday was one of those days for me.  I can't begin to imagine how hard it is on Jon and Brenda.  It's not about me, it's about them and Baby Brown.  They know I'm here for them 24/7.  They know my concern is for them and their baby.

This morning I awoke and looked at the bracelet I wear 24/7.  I purchased it after they found out they were pregnant and had no idea what would transpire in the days to come.

As I looked at the cross and remembered who is in control, brings peace,  gives life, knows  why things happen, I remembered a cherished verse in The Bible.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  In the days and months ahead, we are all going to enjoy Jon and Brenda's pregnancy.  There will be days that are emotional and difficult.  I hope all of us will cling to the promise that God is with us 24/7 and that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".  

2013 - Slow Down

The last time I posted was in November.  Now here we are almost half way through January 2013 and I don't know where the time has gone.  The past month was full of Christmas decorating, shopping, wrapping, Andrew, going to Mississippi, cooking, cleaning, cooking, cleaning, driving and being exhausted.  I love Christmas but I must admit I'm glad all the deadlines and stress are over.  That's not what Christmas is supposed to be.

Every morning I read the day's story in The Guidepost which is a Christmas gift from my parents every year.  I love that book.  When I'm finished reading for the day, I've gotten into the habit of reading the scripture at the top of the next day's reading.  I don't know why I started doing it, but I did and as usual, when I finished the one for December 31st, I turned the page only to find it was blank.  At first I panicked, then realized why the page was void of print.  I'd reached the end of the book and the end of 2012.  Reality slapped me in the face.

2013 was a few hours away.   I removed the 2012 Guidepost from the table and replaced it with Guidepost 2013.   I have a year with no blank pages in that book.  And when I pray each night and ask God to forgive me for falling short in so many ways,  I'm so thankful that He gives me a new "page" that's blank.  It's something money can't buy, something no one can take away from me and I determine what He writes on my page the next day.   

As I read my Guidepost each day this year, I want to remember that each day presents a clean slate and its up to me what's written.  

Happy New Year and I pray God's blessings for all.

TV Commercials, Newspapers and Stores

They've started...started bombarding us with gift buying commercials, ads in papers and displays in stores.  Yes, "they" have already got me stressing about Christmas.  How am I going to pay for Christmas?  Will family actually like what we're able to give?  When will I drag out the Christmas decorations and decorate?  Is it too early? 

My mind is still here:

And here...

In other words, I'm not ready for cold weather OR the holidays.  Come on - let me have Thanksgiving first.  Just once, please????   I'm well aware that's not happening.  I also have a grandson who is already looking at newspaper inserts and saying, "Nana, I want that and that and that."  Nana informs him he needs to tell Santa.  Am I playing into the too early to start referring to Santa game?  I suppose I am, but what's a Nana to do?  Stores display Christmas trees, Santa, and other decorations ready for purchase.  (Toys are more numerous as well.)

Before I seriously consider dragging out the decorations, I am determined to get a few things done.  Today I'm painting baseboards and trim after painting the walls a few weeks ago.  I also have to paint the same things in my kitchen and powder room.  Never got to doing that after the tile floors were done over a year ago.  It's no wonder I'm already feeling stressed - two weeks before Thanksgiving.  

While painting today, I'm going to focus on being thankful ~ while listening to Rod Stewart's Christmas cd.  I may just add some more Christmas cds to the Bose system.  I didn't say I don't love Christmas, I just said "they" are causing me stress already by making me fret over things related to everything but Jesus' birth.

It's Been Awhile

Hey!  I'm still alive and kicking, although not too high.  I thought about blogging several times this month but just never got around to doing it or by the time I decided to do it, I was no longer in the mood.  Oh well.  It's a good thing no one expects a post from me or realizes I haven't posted. ha ha

All is well here at Rocky Top Ranch.  Fall has made it's appearance.  Some trees show off their lovely colors while others just lost the leaves and now stand bare.  It's been so windy here the past several days.  I've mowed the grass for the last time this year, I suppose.  The house plants that were put outside for the summer have been moved back inside and I've thought about having a fire in the fireplace several times.  Murphy has decided she'd rather be inside...she just shivers in this cooler air and wind.  (I don't like the hair shedding she brings inside, but I'm a softy...)  I just sweep more than once per day when she's in here.

Both of my sons started their new jobs at Amazon Fulfillment Center which recently opened here in Murfreesboro.  I'm so thankful they have good jobs with awesome benefits.  They work 4 10 hour days and enjoy being off on Thursday, Friday and Saturday!  

Andrew is growing so fast and too smart for his britches.  I love my grandson so much.  He will never know how much he means to me, aka Nana.  

Hubby is blessed to be terribly busy with work.  I'm thankful for the work but wish he could find time to rest and relax.  He's always been a workaholic and that certainly hasn't changed.  I appreciate all he does to provide for us.

I don't celebrate Halloween, so my thoughts are shifting to Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Both holidays will be here too soon.  I have visions of things I'd like to do, such as having my daughter-in-law over for a day or two of baking, making baskets of Christmas goodies, shopping for gifts and decorating for Christmas.  Maybe it'll happen.  

My thoughts and prayers are with those affected by Sandy.  I cannot fathom how they must feel and the tough times they face.  May God give them strength.

I guess I've rambled enough.  Here's wishing those who see this and those who don't a wonderful, happy fall day!

Candle Flies? I Was Enlightened (Pun Intended).

I recently had to clean out my pantry.  Here's all the stuff I moved out of the pantry and into the kitchen.  Oh what a mess I had.  The reason this was necessary shocked me.  CANDLEFLIES.  They are little moth looking things.  I thought these things were coming in from outside and that they were the kind drawn to light - especially those that fly around florescent lights.  I have a florescent light in my kitchen and one in the pantry.  They seemed to prefer my pantry...

I got my flying insect spray and sprayed them several times throughout the week.  They always came back.  I won't go into the gory details of how they get there, but I googled "camel flies" which I thought I had heard them called.  Turns out they are candle flies.  That's when I realized the pantry had to be emptied.  Anything related to grain was discarded along with chips, cardboard and everything else that was not in a can or air-tight container.

The picture above shows a few items remaining, but they were also removed.  The shelves, walls, ceilings, door and floor were all washed with Clorox disinfecting spray - TWICE.  I had become paranoid and I was determined not to put anything back in there until I was comfortable doing so.  Every canned good I kept, all of my cookware - ANYTHING put back in there was washed with Clorox and or Lysol.  When that was done, this is what was was allowed back in the pantry.

Needless to say, while putting things back in there, I decided to reorganize.  That's when I had an idea about where to put my cookware.  In the past it was put on the top shelf and not in an organized fashion.  My brainstorm resulted in this:

The things that wouldn't fit on the wall were the only things that are stored on the shelf.  I was rather proud of myself!

I can assure you that I check my pantry several times throughout the day just to be sure I don't see one of those pesky candle flies.  I haven't, but I'm still paranoid.  Everything I purchase that comes in a box is now stored in air-tight containers and the box is discarded.  For the record, I found out that ziplock bags are not air-tight.  

I hesitated posting about this but decided if it kept even one person from having to go through the aggravation, gagging and throwing away several hundred dollars worth of pantry items, it would be worth the embarrassment.  Then, I decided I had no reason to be embarrassed because my house is kept clean and the "devils" came in from things I had purchased.

Hoping you find no candle flies anywhere near your home!

Happy Birthday, Jon!

 My oldest son turned 31 today.  He's given us 31 years of love.  You'll never meet anyone with a bigger heart than Jon.  There are no words to express how much I love him.  There's nothing quite like watching your child grow up and not being embarrassed at all to give his mom a hug in front of his friends.

 He loves his nephew.  He loves kids and is ready to have his own.  He'll be a wonderful daddy.

Here's a picture of Jon and his wife.  He loves her dearly and the day he got married was the happiest day of his life.  Moms love knowing their sons are happy and loved.  

Happy Birthday, Son.  I'm so thankful God gave you to us.  I will always love you unconditionally and I hope you know that.  I think you do!  You have always made me feel loved and special and that feeling is the best!  I hope you had a wonderful day.  I love you and pray God's blessings for you and Brenda.

This Too Shall Pass

Do you ever just have one of "those" weeks?  Well, I do and this week has been one of them.  Thank God it's almost over and we've survived!  

Not too long ago I introduced Greg's fiance.   They parted ways earlier this week.  Everything happens for a reason and God is in control.  Sometimes we are better off without what we think we want!

The end to a tough week is the beginning of the weekend and my precious grandson, Andrew!  Every frustration I have is quickly diminished once I see that little smiling face and hear the words, "I love you soooooo much, Nana".  A hug and/or kiss from Andrew can make us feel much better.  

Hope the rest of your weekend is a great one.  I'm hoping next week will be much better for all of us.

I'm Still Kicking

Although I haven't blogged much lately, I'm still breathing and kicking.  I'm not kicking very high today after having worked in the yard yesterday.  When I have more energy than usual, I try to tackle things that need to be done while I can.  Payback is awful when one has fibro.

I enjoyed a trip to my sister's house in Mississippi earlier this month.  The only negative thing I have to say about that is, I had to come back home sooner than I would have liked.  I think I could have stayed there another two or three weeks.   In fact, I'd go back tomorrow had it not been two weeks since I've seen Andrew.  He comes over Thursday, so I'm staying here!

Books Books Books

My mother loves books.  That's putting it mildly.  Those of you who have been to her house know that books are everywhere.  There's not a room in the house without books.  Well maybe the laundry room doesn't have books, but there are magazines stored in there.  I would guess she probably hasn't read more than a part of each book. 

I've encouraged Mother to donate most to a church library.  If she started reading now and didn't stop, there's no way she could read all of those books unless she lives to be 100.  Bless her heart, she just can't seem to part with them.  The reason is quite simple, I believe.  It is because of her childhood.  She would go to bed at night and read.  Her dad did not like it that she read after she went to bed and would demand that she cut off the light and stop reading.   Maybe she stayed up too late reading.  I don't know, but I do believe that's the reason she has so many books.  After she married, no one could tell her not to read and not to have books. 

My book collection is probably less than a tenth of what Mother has accumulated over the years.  I  have nowhere to put them other than in boxes or storage tubs.  I decided they were doing no one any good if they were being stored.  So, over the past month I have gathered them in one place, gone through each one and have them boxed to take to my sister-in-law who is involved in the literary guild.  The books will be put to good use and I'm delighted.  My boys would never read my books so there's no point in keeping them.   I kept a few - some that were special or gifts but there's one collection  I'm keeping.  Those are my Guideposts books.  Each year for Christmas, Daddy and Mother have given  each of their children a Guidepost book for Christmas.  They are priceless.  It's my parents' way (mostly Mother's) of making sure we something to help us get through life and to re-read even after she's gone.  The Guidepost is my favorite gift every Christmas.   It's my daily devotional and if I get too busy to read it first thing each morning, something is missing in my day.

I love my parents and am very thankful that they are still with us.  Look to the left of Daddy and you will see a tack of books! 

Mother will never part with her books.  And that's okay.  I think she she likes knowing they are there should she "ever get around to reading them".  That's her reason for keeping them.  She hopes she will find the time to read them.  I hope she does!

Just Being A Nana

I survived two weeks without seeing my grandson.  I missed him so much.  He came bouncing into the house Friday afternoon and said "Hey, Nana.  I came.  I came to see you."  Of course my heart melted and then he jumped into my arms and gave me a hug and kiss.  That's all this Nana asks for!  There's nothing like being loved by a grandchild. 

Greg's fiance has a three year old daughter.  She and Andrew have fun together but also fuss like a brother and sister.  They are having to learn to share everything - including Nana and Pa. 

Colored tongues were funny and they were happy to show them to anyone who would look.

Sitting on the patio eating potato chips.  Andrew appears to be trying to get Serenity's attention.

They had fun playing in their pool  (I did too!)

Finally - both of them looked at me.

Cortney and Serenity got to ride Smokey!  Both were thrilled and Pa looks happy too.  He and I seldom ride the horses. 

If you notice there's a red cup in almost all the photos.  It was so hot and I drank lots of ice water.  It went everywhere I did.

The green plastic fence was used to protect my tomato plants.  I'm aware this is not a tomato.  Last year I planted watermelon seeds and only got one watermelon because the rabbits, squirrels or something started eating on them.  I probably had 20 watermelons that they got and the seeds were left after they did their damage.  The vines this year came from those seeds.  Some of the vines have grown around, up, under and over the plastic fence.  This little one was hanging yesterday.  This morning, it was on the ground.  Sure enough, something had been eating on it.  It made me mad!

Last, but certainly not least, I finally got some of Jon and Brenda's wedding pictures put into a frame. When I started, I had plans to give it to them, but changed my mind because I wanted it in my house.  Maybe I'll do another one for them.

 A lot of my time has been spent watering flowers, trees and roses.  I've watered part of my garden, but it's about 10 miles from here and I have to take water in gallon jugs, etc because there is no water source there.  We've had no rain in over a month now.  This sweltering heat is killing the grass and the dry weather is not good for my garden.  I'm hoping we get rain soon.  I also hope we get some cooler days.  It's been as hot as 113 degrees here.   I'm dreaming of a white Christmas...actually I'm dreaming of temps in the 80s at this point.

That's all for now.  Happy July!

Introducing Cortney

This is Cortney and my son, Greg.  I love how happy they are in this picture.  She has a three year old daughter whose name is Serenity.  She and Greg have recently become a couple in love.  They plan to be married, but there is no set date yet.  Before too long, I'll have two daughters-in-law and that makes me happy!   I love it when my boys are happy.   I wish nothing but the best for Greg and Cortney and pray their lives together will be blessed.

Warning....Rambling Again

We've had Andrew all this week and will until 6pm Monday.  I had planned to do several fun things with him this week, but due to having a sinus infection/cold we haven't done all I had planned.  I've been bummed out about that.  

We did get a remote controlled helicopter that he begged for.  For $30 we didn't expect much, but the little thing has been loads of fun for him.  Wednesday morning Andrew flew it and it landed in the gutter on the upstairs part of the house.  Pa had to get the extension ladder to rescue the copter.

Andrew and I planted some flowers in two pots.  He picks the new ones off and brings them to me.  Is that just like a little boy or what?

We're going to Mississippi later today.  Tomorrow is my sweet daddy's 83rd birthday.   Sunday is Father's Day so we're going to go to church with him, have lunch the come back home.  I love and appreciate my daddy with each passing day.  

I've written previously about the two inside dogs and how they sometimes decide to pee in my dining room and that they had ruined my laminate floor.  Well, I couldn't take it anymore and try as I may, I could not get the floor clean and the smell of urine kept returning.  Tuesday morning I got up and ripped the floor out.  Hubby said he wants to take it out of the foyer also.  We'll be replacing it with ceramic tile.  Tile is just easier to clean.  The dogs just need to go...easier said than done.

Rambling on...no matter how old our children are, we never stop worrying about them.  I hurt when they hurt.  My heart breaks when theirs does.  I only want the best for them...and they know that.  When they were small, a hug and kiss would heal the hurts.  That doesn't work anymore.  I just hope knowing their mother loves them and hurts with them helps ease their hurts.  I feel so helpless now.  Wish I could make things perfect for both of them and Jon's wife.  I wish Andrew didn't have parents that aren't together.  I wish, I wish...but all I can do is pray.  Only God can help.  

Have a great weekend and if you're blessed to be with your dad, give him a hug and tell him you love him and appreciate all he's done for you.  I'm going to do the same.

Daddy loves getting his garden area ready to plant.  He farmed for years, but now leases the farmland for someone else to farm.

This is a picture of Daddy in church.  God is his refuge and strength and has been since I've been old enough to remember.  He was a minister and still preaches occasionally.  He's been faithful attending church.  He has to be really sick to stay home.  Love my daddy.  Happy  Birthday and Happy Father's Day, Daddy.  You're the best.

Happy Nana

Andrew loves playing in the dirt and his hands, face and clothes are proof after he's finished.

He also loves playing with his friend, Serenity.

He loves being silly and I caught him at a weird angle with my i-phone.

He also loves playing with Joe.

What little boy doesn't love his dog?  Murphy is so patient and loving as Andrew pets, aggravates and plays with her.

The rain boots he outgrew are priceless treasures of mine~now filled with flowers.

This was my weekend.  It was full of enjoying my three year old grandson.  I love him so much and when he's here every weekend, my life revolves around him.  I'm a happy Nana.

My Happy Place

If you know me, you know that I love working in my yard.  I call it yard therapy because when I'm out there working, my problems are far from my mind.  I forget about everything while I'm digging in the dirt, planting flowers, pulling weeds, mowing grass or just walking around the yard admiring my flowers.  Most every day I walk around the yard to see what has grown, bloomed or needs pinching off to encourage more blooms. 

This is one view from my patio.  It does not capture the entire back yard.  Everything you see here (with the exception of the grass) beginning with the rocks and to the large trees in the background, I planted.  Rocks were gathered from the back of our land, the horse pasture and from my neighbor's land.  Days were spent digging up rocks, putting them on the front of the riding mower or in the wheel barrow and struggling to get them unloaded and put into place.  I painted an outline on the grass so I could follow the shape of the rock bed I wanted.

Above is an area next to my patio.  I planted these flowers this past weekend.  Again, more rocks.  I love my little frogs purchased from Old Time Pottery.  Hubby likes frogs for yard art and I'll have to admit, I like them too.

My neighbor had watering cans full of flowers on her patio and I loved them.  I had to fix one for my deck.

I love roses.  My mother-in-law purchased this rosebush before she passed away and while living with us in her last years.  It smells divine.  She loved roses and grew the most beautiful ones I've ever seen. 

Potted petunias on the deck have spilled over the sides and I love their vibrant colors.

Hanging baskets of flowers just add happy to the patio area.  Here's my pink.

And red...The white thing you see to the left is a metal butterfly hung on the brick.

Last, but certainly not least, I'd kept a pair of Andrew's rain boots that he'd outgrown, punched holes in the bottom for draining, filled them with potting soil and then planted flowers in them.  I got the idea from a blog I follow.  The blogger did hers in April and hung them on her front door.  I wanted mine on the patio where I see them every day.  She had painted hers, but I didn't because Andrew loves camo.  One boot appears larger than the other, but it's not; it's just the angle at which the photo was taken.

You'll notice there's only one picture of the yard.  I got carried away with the flowers near the house.  Ha Ha.   I'm sure I'll post pics of the yard another day.

I'm not sure I'll be working in my yard today.  The garden needs to be hoed.  Joy joy.

Here's hoping your day is filled with things you love.

Steven Gregory Brown's Birthday

Twenty six years ago today, God blessed Hubby and me with our second son.  This picture was taken two years ago and remains one of my favorites of Greg and me. 

Tech School graduation day.  Oh so proud and he had every right to be.  His dad, brother and I know the road he traveled to get to this point.

Greg with his son, Andrew, who should have been named Greg, Jr. 

Here he is with the most important guys in his life - Andrew, Jon (Greg's brother) and Dale (Dad).

Happy Birthday, Dear Dear, Greg.  You're still my baby.  I remember the day you were born as though it was yesterday.  It was Friday, May 30, 1986.  Dr. Davis had instructed me to be at Baptist Hospital in Nashville by 6am because they were going to induce labor.  Why?  Because Dr. Davis would be on vacation on the date you were due, so he decided you needed to come early!  That obviously didn't sit well with you because as soon as you made your entrance into this world you peed right in Dr. Davis' face.  You let him know exactly what you thought about his vacation!  We all had a good laugh when that happened.

I won't try to summarize the past 26 years other than to say I love you and I'm so glad you're my son.  May God bless you, wrap his arms around you, keep you safe and remind you daily that He loves you unconditionally.  I do too.  I'm proud of you and I'm thankful God gave you to us.