My First Grand Daughter

Aubrey Elizabeth Brown

April 10, 2013

10 oz  9 inches

8:33am

Parents:  Jon and Brenda Brown

Aubrey's Footprints

Daddy and Aubrey

Mommy and Aubrey

My first Grand Daughter will forever be in my heart and always on my mind.  

I love you, Baby Aubrey.

Nana

Judge Not...

My emotions have been all over the place  the past couple of weeks.   There have been several days I stayed in bed because I was so depressed.  Anyone who hasn't experienced severe depression coupled with bi-polar issues has no clue how sick one is when something triggers depression so severe its  debilitating.  The thoughts during such an episode are irrational because the mental pain level is not easily put into words.

The recent apparent suicide of a country music singer is a tragedy.  My heart goes out to the family she left behind.  I've seen so many comments on AOL and Facebook that have stated the singer was selfish to have ended her life.  Those people do not say RIP for the singer.  Instead they say RIP for the dog she supposedly shot prior to taking her own life.  How insensitive they are.   Having lost an uncle and aunt (my dad's brother and sister) to suicide, it just makes my heart hurt anytime I hear someone has taken their life.  Some of the comments make me angry.  When a family member passes that way, those left have a terrible tragedy to deal with.  We don't need negative comments.  We go through anger because the person didn't reach out to someone, we also are angry that they took themselves from us, their children, spouses if they were married, and the list goes on.  We feel guilty because we didn't see any indication that anything was wrong.  

Judge not lest ye be judged.  Regardless of what your religious  beliefs are, no one has the right to indicate that anyone is going to hell, especially when suicide is involved, period.  First of all, it's very upsetting to the family involved.  It's upsetting to people whose loved ones  ended their lives in years past.  Some religious denominations are notorious for judging people.  Again, JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED.  What does that mean?  My opinion is that it means people will be judged by God because they judged another.  It's no one's business to determine what the outcome of someone will be when judgement is given by our Father in Heaven.  

This brings me back to the mental illness issue.  My personal belief is that anyone who takes their own life  was not mentally ill to the point of not being aware of what they were actually doing.  Something in their mind snapped and pushed them over the edge.  People need to research mental illness and keep their judgmental comments to themselves and ask God to forgive them for having judgmental thoughts.  Doing so sincerely insures they are not judged for having those judgmental thoughts to begin with.

To those belonging to religious denominations who immediately judge others based on outward appearances are also in the wrong.  Just saying...

Those of us who have the mental illness of manic depression/bipolar, or just plain old severe depression would appreciate negative comments not being made by people who have no idea what its like.  If they walked a mile in our shoes, especially on those days we can hardly put one foot in front of the other, they most likely would just shut up.  They may even show a little kindness instead of judging.

Wow.  I was on a soap box for sure this morning.   I'll step down now.  I'm going to have a wonderful, productive day.  Sometimes it's necessary to "get things off my chest" here in this safe place called blog land.  

May your day be blessed and happy.

Jon, Brenda and Baby Brown

This post is written with more love than could ever be put into words.  I'm so proud of my son and his wife (my daughter-in-love).  

They are pregnant and we've all been so excited!  It's their first child together.  Below is the most current picture of my Grand Baby Brown.

I was so thrilled that they invited me to go along for the ultrasound!  Seeing the baby and watching its little heart beat brings a feeling to this Nana that is indescribable.  It bonds me with Jon and Brenda in a way I can't explan.,  I love my Grand Baby and his parents.

While we are so excited they are pregnant, we were dealt a blow when they were told that Baby Brown has a birth defect; a defect that is fatal.  I won't go into the details, but Jon and Brenda had a difficult decision to make:  terminate the pregnancy or continue to carry their child.  They chose to continue to carry their precious special baby.  When they told Hubby and me, we were beyond thrilled.

Tears have been shed, our hearts have hurt, days have been spent unable to get out of bed and face the day. Yesterday was one of those days for me.  I can't begin to imagine how hard it is on Jon and Brenda.  It's not about me, it's about them and Baby Brown.  They know I'm here for them 24/7.  They know my concern is for them and their baby.

This morning I awoke and looked at the bracelet I wear 24/7.  I purchased it after they found out they were pregnant and had no idea what would transpire in the days to come.

As I looked at the cross and remembered who is in control, brings peace,  gives life, knows  why things happen, I remembered a cherished verse in The Bible.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  In the days and months ahead, we are all going to enjoy Jon and Brenda's pregnancy.  There will be days that are emotional and difficult.  I hope all of us will cling to the promise that God is with us 24/7 and that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".  

2013 - Slow Down

The last time I posted was in November.  Now here we are almost half way through January 2013 and I don't know where the time has gone.  The past month was full of Christmas decorating, shopping, wrapping, Andrew, going to Mississippi, cooking, cleaning, cooking, cleaning, driving and being exhausted.  I love Christmas but I must admit I'm glad all the deadlines and stress are over.  That's not what Christmas is supposed to be.

Every morning I read the day's story in The Guidepost which is a Christmas gift from my parents every year.  I love that book.  When I'm finished reading for the day, I've gotten into the habit of reading the scripture at the top of the next day's reading.  I don't know why I started doing it, but I did and as usual, when I finished the one for December 31st, I turned the page only to find it was blank.  At first I panicked, then realized why the page was void of print.  I'd reached the end of the book and the end of 2012.  Reality slapped me in the face.

2013 was a few hours away.   I removed the 2012 Guidepost from the table and replaced it with Guidepost 2013.   I have a year with no blank pages in that book.  And when I pray each night and ask God to forgive me for falling short in so many ways,  I'm so thankful that He gives me a new "page" that's blank.  It's something money can't buy, something no one can take away from me and I determine what He writes on my page the next day.   

As I read my Guidepost each day this year, I want to remember that each day presents a clean slate and its up to me what's written.  

Happy New Year and I pray God's blessings for all.

TV Commercials, Newspapers and Stores

They've started...started bombarding us with gift buying commercials, ads in papers and displays in stores.  Yes, "they" have already got me stressing about Christmas.  How am I going to pay for Christmas?  Will family actually like what we're able to give?  When will I drag out the Christmas decorations and decorate?  Is it too early? 

My mind is still here:

And here...

In other words, I'm not ready for cold weather OR the holidays.  Come on - let me have Thanksgiving first.  Just once, please????   I'm well aware that's not happening.  I also have a grandson who is already looking at newspaper inserts and saying, "Nana, I want that and that and that."  Nana informs him he needs to tell Santa.  Am I playing into the too early to start referring to Santa game?  I suppose I am, but what's a Nana to do?  Stores display Christmas trees, Santa, and other decorations ready for purchase.  (Toys are more numerous as well.)

Before I seriously consider dragging out the decorations, I am determined to get a few things done.  Today I'm painting baseboards and trim after painting the walls a few weeks ago.  I also have to paint the same things in my kitchen and powder room.  Never got to doing that after the tile floors were done over a year ago.  It's no wonder I'm already feeling stressed - two weeks before Thanksgiving.  

While painting today, I'm going to focus on being thankful ~ while listening to Rod Stewart's Christmas cd.  I may just add some more Christmas cds to the Bose system.  I didn't say I don't love Christmas, I just said "they" are causing me stress already by making me fret over things related to everything but Jesus' birth.

It's Been Awhile

Hey!  I'm still alive and kicking, although not too high.  I thought about blogging several times this month but just never got around to doing it or by the time I decided to do it, I was no longer in the mood.  Oh well.  It's a good thing no one expects a post from me or realizes I haven't posted. ha ha

All is well here at Rocky Top Ranch.  Fall has made it's appearance.  Some trees show off their lovely colors while others just lost the leaves and now stand bare.  It's been so windy here the past several days.  I've mowed the grass for the last time this year, I suppose.  The house plants that were put outside for the summer have been moved back inside and I've thought about having a fire in the fireplace several times.  Murphy has decided she'd rather be inside...she just shivers in this cooler air and wind.  (I don't like the hair shedding she brings inside, but I'm a softy...)  I just sweep more than once per day when she's in here.

Both of my sons started their new jobs at Amazon Fulfillment Center which recently opened here in Murfreesboro.  I'm so thankful they have good jobs with awesome benefits.  They work 4 10 hour days and enjoy being off on Thursday, Friday and Saturday!  

Andrew is growing so fast and too smart for his britches.  I love my grandson so much.  He will never know how much he means to me, aka Nana.  

Hubby is blessed to be terribly busy with work.  I'm thankful for the work but wish he could find time to rest and relax.  He's always been a workaholic and that certainly hasn't changed.  I appreciate all he does to provide for us.

I don't celebrate Halloween, so my thoughts are shifting to Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Both holidays will be here too soon.  I have visions of things I'd like to do, such as having my daughter-in-law over for a day or two of baking, making baskets of Christmas goodies, shopping for gifts and decorating for Christmas.  Maybe it'll happen.  

My thoughts and prayers are with those affected by Sandy.  I cannot fathom how they must feel and the tough times they face.  May God give them strength.

I guess I've rambled enough.  Here's wishing those who see this and those who don't a wonderful, happy fall day!

Candle Flies? I Was Enlightened (Pun Intended).

I recently had to clean out my pantry.  Here's all the stuff I moved out of the pantry and into the kitchen.  Oh what a mess I had.  The reason this was necessary shocked me.  CANDLEFLIES.  They are little moth looking things.  I thought these things were coming in from outside and that they were the kind drawn to light - especially those that fly around florescent lights.  I have a florescent light in my kitchen and one in the pantry.  They seemed to prefer my pantry...

I got my flying insect spray and sprayed them several times throughout the week.  They always came back.  I won't go into the gory details of how they get there, but I googled "camel flies" which I thought I had heard them called.  Turns out they are candle flies.  That's when I realized the pantry had to be emptied.  Anything related to grain was discarded along with chips, cardboard and everything else that was not in a can or air-tight container.

The picture above shows a few items remaining, but they were also removed.  The shelves, walls, ceilings, door and floor were all washed with Clorox disinfecting spray - TWICE.  I had become paranoid and I was determined not to put anything back in there until I was comfortable doing so.  Every canned good I kept, all of my cookware - ANYTHING put back in there was washed with Clorox and or Lysol.  When that was done, this is what was was allowed back in the pantry.

Needless to say, while putting things back in there, I decided to reorganize.  That's when I had an idea about where to put my cookware.  In the past it was put on the top shelf and not in an organized fashion.  My brainstorm resulted in this:

The things that wouldn't fit on the wall were the only things that are stored on the shelf.  I was rather proud of myself!

I can assure you that I check my pantry several times throughout the day just to be sure I don't see one of those pesky candle flies.  I haven't, but I'm still paranoid.  Everything I purchase that comes in a box is now stored in air-tight containers and the box is discarded.  For the record, I found out that ziplock bags are not air-tight.  

I hesitated posting about this but decided if it kept even one person from having to go through the aggravation, gagging and throwing away several hundred dollars worth of pantry items, it would be worth the embarrassment.  Then, I decided I had no reason to be embarrassed because my house is kept clean and the "devils" came in from things I had purchased.

Hoping you find no candle flies anywhere near your home!